I've been feeling generally dissatisfied with myself this week. Not sure if it's more to do with my monthly, or what. Hopefully it passes soon though.
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I've been noticing in the mornings, mostly school mornings of late, that I get a nasty little knot in my tummy. I'm not sure why. Stress I presume. But what am I stressing about? Getting the kids ready and out the door in time? Knowing I have to be getting myself ready and out the door to work soon?
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I'm a very lazy person, well in my personal life anyway. Not so much at work. But at home, I usually seem to do the least amount that I need to, to get by. I think this is the real source of my dissatisfaction. If I could just get my head out of the sand (I was going to say something else there and decided against it), and address the many areas of my life that need improvement, I'd probably be much happier. What's the solution? I think it's more than just setting a goal. I've made myself plenty of resolutions over the years, but they never stick. We all know that.
I guess it's a plan. I need a plan. I'm sure I've heard that somewhere too. I need to plot out every single step involved in obtaining my goals, and just start taking them.
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But what do I do about my temper? My lack of patience? What do I do during those moments when the kids are about to drive me out of my head, and I'm about to explode? How do I stop myself from reacting badly? I'm tired of reacting badly. I'm tired of having to apologize to my kids because I lost it, and acted more immature than they did.
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While I'm on that subject, I'm tired of worrying about how I look. I'm tired of worrying about what other people think of me. I'm tired of just thinking about myself.
H-E_double hockey sticks, I'm just tired.
I better go to bed. ☺
PS, Really not trying to be all negative and debbie downer here, I'm just trying to vent my frustrations. I'm really, really ok. Just a little frustrated with myself. Please, don't feel like I need the "oh mikki, you're so wonderful!!" comments, what I need is the "girl, this is what you need to do!!!" comments!!! Let me have it!
9 comments:
Your comment really described what I feel at times when I am around other members, at church. I have managed to kick those thoughts to the curb for now as I have decided to focus on one small area to improve my membership. Which I know that I am worthy of. Thank-you for sharing your thoughts with me.
I often feel like I am lazy when it comes to taking care of my home. I find that I get more done with a daily plan. I get up and get ready for work before getting everyone else up. Then I sit at the table with a sheet of computer paper. I divided into what "needs" to be done, what I would like. Then I do what I have enough energy for when I get home from work. At least I have an idea when I walk in the door of what I need to get done. I never start on everything the min I walk in the door. I sit down and put my feet up for at least 30 min. After all I just worked hard at work. I need that recovery time to get into mommy mode at home. My kids sort of know what the drill is and go along with it.
I think just being a mommy is a stressful thing. Honestly, don't be too down on yourself!:)
I adore you, and think you look fabulous!
ok girl. this is what you need to do:
you need a break.
big time.
but not the kind of break you THINK you need. not the kind where you go off with your girlfriends... of your hubby....
i mean. just YOU and a kid. One Mother/Kid date at a time.
you need some one on one time with each of them. Separate the twins for a night. they dont always need to be together.
and your kids dont care if you look Stylish or anything....
so that solves that problem, too :)
just an idea :)
Thanks Kristina, and Jessica. You're so sweet.
Jenny, awesome idea. I need to make myself a daily plan. I love it. Maybe it will help me focus.
Merriann, another fabulous idea! Thanks! You're so right, I do need to give them each some one on one time. I think I'll make a monthly planner, with a day scheduled each week just for one of them. Of course, I better squeeze hubby in there too, I'm sure he'd be very offended if I neglect him. :) Thank goodness, he's fairly easy to please, If you know what I mean!
I really struggle with that same thing! I think making goals for the week is the ONLY way I get anything productive done. I understand what you mean!!!
Please stop by my blog and enter some fun giveaways. I've got a really great one that's ending today for a kid's outfit valued at $113! I really need to get some more entries for it, so I'd really appreciate your help! And you have a good chance of winning too!!! :)
Okay Mikki this is what you need to do...cut yourself some slack. You are not superwoman, no one is. You are a working mom with 4 kids and a husband. You don't have to be perfect.
I have found when I start down that spiral of stress it seems like I can't ever catch up.
I think everyone can feel like this from time to time.
Don't be hard on yourself. Do something nice for yourself and then move on to a new day...no regrets!
You are fabulous the way you are!!
Hey, I should send you that book I just reviewed. I think you probably have no idea how much you mean to so many people. We all get discouraged or melancholy and there's no need to apologize for that. If you can't vent here, where can you do it? If you had any idea how much you're loved, you wouldn't worry about pleasing the others. "Oh Mikki, you;re so wonderful!"
Sorry, it had to be done :-)
Seriously, I just stood in the kitchen tonight and told my hubby I needed to live more "richly", doing the things that bring me joy instead of running everywhere and barely meeting obligations. With my calling, not sure how I am going to make that work-- maybe you and I could be incentive to one another?
Going away now. Long rambling comments are my clue that it's bed time.
xoxo
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