my Lifesong

Do you ever feel like you're just so far away from where you need to be? I do. I've been feeling this way pretty much since I became prego last year. I think it has a lot to do with my focus moving from spiritual matters to this whole life-changing event.
There's this song by Casting Crowns that I love. They're a Christian group-not LDS, but I don't think that matters. This song really speaks to me.

LIFESONG
Empty hands held high
Such small sacrifice
If not joined with my life
I sing in vain tonight

May the words I say
And the things I do
Make my lifesong sing
Bring a smile to You

Let my lifesong sing to You
Let my lifesong sing to You
I want to sign Your name to the end of this day
Knowing that my heart was true
Let my lifesong sing to You

Lord I give my life
A living sacrifice
To reach a world in need
To be Your hands and feet

So may the words I say
And the things I do
Make my lifesong sing
Bring a smile to You

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Let my lifesong sing to You


I was listening to this on my way home from work tonight, and reflecting on my day, and I just had to start crying. "May the words I say and the things I do make my lifesong sing bring a smile to You." I said some words today, to my sweet children no less, that a Mother should never say.

"I want to sign Your name to the end of this day knowing that my heart was true".
I really want to live in this manner. To be able at the end of the day, to say that I did my best, and I feel good about how I've acted.
"Empty hands held high, such small sacrifice, if not joined with my life, I sing in vain tonight"-- if I can't speak and act in a good way, then no amount of praise will make it ok.

This song brings out a yearning in me to be closer to the Lord, and to my Father in Heaven. I haven't felt that in a long time. I know the answer lies in my personal prayer and scripture study. I have been doing better lately on the scripture study. I'm doing it in the mornings now, instead of at the end of the day when I'm too tired to spend much time with it. I need to work on prayer though. I'll say a short prayer before reading the scriptures, and I say one before I go to bed, if I don't fall asleep during it. But, they are vain repetitions I think. I'm praying for the same things every night.
How do you keep it fresh?
One really good thing...I'm not working on Sunday's any more, so I can attend all three meetings. Yay!! I'm so happy about that. I hope this will help too. OF course, I'm afraid that I'll be spending most of those meetings in the hallways with the boys. But, still, it's better than being at work. :o)