Thursday, July 10, 2008

my Lifesong

Do you ever feel like you're just so far away from where you need to be? I do. I've been feeling this way pretty much since I became prego last year. I think it has a lot to do with my focus moving from spiritual matters to this whole life-changing event.
There's this song by Casting Crowns that I love. They're a Christian group-not LDS, but I don't think that matters. This song really speaks to me.

Empty hands held high
Such small sacrifice
If not joined with my life
I sing in vain tonight

May the words I say
And the things I do
Make my lifesong sing
Bring a smile to You

Let my lifesong sing to You
Let my lifesong sing to You
I want to sign Your name to the end of this day
Knowing that my heart was true
Let my lifesong sing to You

Lord I give my life
A living sacrifice
To reach a world in need
To be Your hands and feet

So may the words I say
And the things I do
Make my lifesong sing
Bring a smile to You

Let my lifesong sing to You

I was listening to this on my way home from work tonight, and reflecting on my day, and I just had to start crying. "May the words I say and the things I do make my lifesong sing bring a smile to You." I said some words today, to my sweet children no less, that a Mother should never say.

"I want to sign Your name to the end of this day knowing that my heart was true".
I really want to live in this manner. To be able at the end of the day, to say that I did my best, and I feel good about how I've acted.
"Empty hands held high, such small sacrifice, if not joined with my life, I sing in vain tonight"-- if I can't speak and act in a good way, then no amount of praise will make it ok.

This song brings out a yearning in me to be closer to the Lord, and to my Father in Heaven. I haven't felt that in a long time. I know the answer lies in my personal prayer and scripture study. I have been doing better lately on the scripture study. I'm doing it in the mornings now, instead of at the end of the day when I'm too tired to spend much time with it. I need to work on prayer though. I'll say a short prayer before reading the scriptures, and I say one before I go to bed, if I don't fall asleep during it. But, they are vain repetitions I think. I'm praying for the same things every night.
How do you keep it fresh?
One really good thing...I'm not working on Sunday's any more, so I can attend all three meetings. Yay!! I'm so happy about that. I hope this will help too. OF course, I'm afraid that I'll be spending most of those meetings in the hallways with the boys. But, still, it's better than being at work. :o)


jamieBEE said...

:) "bring a smile to You."

MIKKI! You bring a smile to my face! I think you are heading in the right direction. The spirit is not always a BURNING FLAMING BUSH! Sometimes it is a "still small voice whispering" through a counting crows song playing on your radio on the way home from work. :)

Mrs. Mordecai said...

This is something I'm working on, too. It can be so easy to get distracted by everything going on and just go through the motions of scripture study and prayer. You have inspired me!

the boyd family said...

i have a song that "uplifts" me, i guess you could say... i sing it to myself when i need a pep up or motivation to keep going. i will share (embarressed and all, only my husband knows this) but it's the theme from rocky, eye of the tiger. definitely not an lds song, but it works for me :)

Anonymous said...

Good for you to be HOME with your kids on Sundays!!!!! That will help you out SO MUCH MIKKI!!!!

and we ALL have those feelings...but just be happy & tell yourself to be HAPPY and then happy thoughts will come into your head & you will speak happy words & all those around you will be happy, too.

...just the way it is...♥