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Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Stimulus Package

This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment.
This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.
If you spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.
If you purchase a computer it will go to India.
If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).
If you buy a car it will go to Japan.
If you purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan.
And none of it will help the American economy.
We need to keep that money here in America. You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.

6 comments:

Kristina P. said...

Funny! And sad.

Lisa Loo said...

HA! So sad and true--but funny!!

::Jan:: said...

The first time I have ever considered a tatoo. LOL....

So true and sad and such a shame.

tammy said...

Too funny! And I'm lol at Jan.

Jenny said...

Very Funny and eye opening!

backandthen said...

Don't laugh at your president. He is doing what we have been doing for a few years now with taxe money but the fact that this money is given to those who don't pay taxes (like me) because we are too poor thus enabling me to buy myself a plane ticket for the US.
I am glad I could enjoy it but frankly I think it is lame. This money is given to us to keep us from living off social security as if dignity was not enough!
Anyway, we are also supposed to get a little money from our government for the same purpose but much less than you. Still...I like it better in my pocket than out.