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Friday, August 22, 2008

another funny email

1. Only in America ......can a pizza get to your house faster
than an ambulance.
2. Only in America .....are there handicap parking places in front
of a skating rink.
3. Only in America ......do drugstores make the sick walk all the
way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy
people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America ......do people order double cheeseburgers,
large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America ......do banks leave both doors open and
then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America ......do we leave cars worth thousands of
dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America ......do we use answering machines to screen
calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we
didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America ......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten
and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America ......do we use the word 'politics' to
describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics'
meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'
10. Only in America ......do they have drive-up ATM's with
Braille lettering.
EVER WONDER??
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made
with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why do cows fly on GoofyAuctions.com but the cheese is green?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff??
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
------------------
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed
through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer
goods:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only
time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos:! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and
that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but,
it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside
down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after
heating." (...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but
wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate
machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate
of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with
head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and. .I'm
taking this because???....)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news
flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet,
eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh..fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not
enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this
one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands
or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

11 comments:

MERRIANNE said...

HA HA hAAA!! that is hilarious and OH SO TRUE!!!!

imbeingheldhostage said...

Funny AND I got to do the BOM stories hand motions while reading how fun. :-)

Happy weekend

Laura said...

Oh, these are all sooo true and funny! And the one about American Airlines packet of nuts - it now costs you $$ to get those nuts . . . . only in America!

Richelle said...

Those are so funny. I like the politics one and the lemon one.

The Mama Hood said...

That last one was CRAZYYY!!

Come and get your newest award on my blog!!

~Aloha!

Untypically Jia said...

Hey Chica! Someone loves your blog, and has given you a Rock on Sistah-Friend award! You can see your blog listed on my blogroll at www.colormeuntypical.blogspot.com

Don't forget to check out the rules and pass the love along!

Rebecca said...

OH man! That's HILARIOUS!!! I love it!

p.s. I think you said you were subscribed to my blog via RSS - just checking to make sure that it's still working since I switched over to FeedBurner. Are you still getting my posts?

backandthen said...

I want to state clearly that I am NOT american and that this thing "10. Only in America ......do they have drive-up ATM's with
Braille lettering." IS TRUE!
The first time I went through one of those really puzzled me and I wondered how you don't get more car accident. Truly, if blinds are allowed to drive cars in your country then for sure God blesses America!

backandthen said...

"On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but
wouldn't this save me more time?)" This one has been intended for mormon missionaries.
And then you'd think elders.
Nope.
Sisters!

When I was a teenegare there was this sister missionnary that I really loved. She got transfered but I got to see her a couple of month later for district conference. I was talkign to her and I noticed her companion's neck had a brown mark. I asked what it was and you guess it.
She had wanted to save time by puting her shirt on first and iron it second.
Don't say that elders are stupid. Sisters are just the same but most of the time they keep it quiet.

Shimmy Mom said...

Hilarious!!! Sometimes I wonder about people.

Rod and LaDawn said...

Too funny. Things that make ya go Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm! I was rolling while reading the Sweedish chainsaw instructions. I think I actually know a couple of people that just might be that stupid!!!!!